Friday, August 18, 2006

It's been a year...

Today last year I lost my mother, and these flowers are in memory of her. I had a pretty hard day around this anniversary, seems I am handling it today less well than I did when it was in the middle of it. Maybe it is more real to me in some way now, or I have more time to think, who can say. So I placed these flowers right under my alter, and they are very fragrant and do make me feel better.
I have lost many people in my life, and generally feel at peace with these loses since I do believe that the void is a pleasant one, and may in some cases lead to reincarnation. But losing my only parent feels very different. I was surprised by my grief surfacing this week. I wouldn't even know how to describe it to anyone who hasn't lost a parent yet, but it is indeed a different kind of longing. Closer to the bone, in a place no words come from. So I am thinking of my mother tonight, and hoping she is truly at peace. And yes...we will get to the bluebonnets this year...I promise. Even if I have to buy grow lights and grow them myself.

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