Everyone has their cooking specialties in life. Generally lovingly taught when at their mother's knee or something. Mine is Chili. No beans, just chili. I've been making said chili for years and years, it is a PAIN to make (almost as bad as hand rolling enchiladas for forty)but I do it for special occasions. And doing it for so long that friends that know me well generally request it. (It is my tradition to always make it the day of presidential elections, to celebrate or console, i.e. "Damn, stuck with Bush four more years...But at least we have chili.") Anyway...
I had a girlfriend (Yes, it is possible to have an actual girlfriend) that loved my chili. After eating it the very first time, she actually proposed to me. This girlfriend became crazed over this chili, wanting it all the time. I found I was making it two or three times a month. Now sometimes, unfortunately, in life there comes a time in a relationship you have to weigh the pros and cons. Is this person really worth the energy expended on their behalf? (And do not, for one minute, tell me we have not all experienced this in some form or fashion.) I thought of the endless hours of chili making, and she was definitely riding the edge of that balance. So upon finding no frozen brick of chili in the freezer one day, she smiled sweetly and asked "Honeykins, when are you making more chili?"
Hmmmmm...DANGER, DANGER....we have now finally slipped off that edge into the abyss, Will Robinson.
I smiled as sweetly as I could manage back and replied (This is a quote)"Honey, that just isn't possible, I've run out of chili meat." She pressed, she whined, and she moaned for days about it, even publicly at a friend's house several days later. This was indeed the last straw. I turned on my heel, mustered up my best drag queen stance and said (another quote) "I'm so sorry honey, that chili meat is a special ingrediant. I've always used exgirlfriends, and I've run completely out. Unless you'd like to volunteer?" Ah-hem. The room grew quiet, and the legend was born.
Soooo...To make this long tragic story short...several years after this incident, that girlfriend (now a bonafide ex-girlfriend) called me one day as exgirlfriends do. After catching up and making a few amends, she ended the conversation with "Thank you, Laura Belle, for not using me as chili meat."
This is my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm not really a psychopath, unless you count playing one on T.V. Any questions? >>>peering over glasses<<<
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