True Confessions of a TERRIBLE Gambler

One of the dubious benefits of the show I did this weekend was it's location at a casino. My sister and I researched our trip...and found they had PENNY slot machines. It has been years since I had been exposed to slot machines, I couldn't believe they actually had machines that would pay out on a penny bet. Gambling is like drinking to me. On the rare occasion I do indulge it is usually "frou-frou" drinks nobody would be caught dead with to the amusement to all present. Usually because I am fascinated by the mini umbrella or Tiki Mug it is presented in. So you as you can imagine, I view gambling in my own "special" way.

Armed with my Sponge Bob coin purse full of pennies I marched on to the Casino floor, searching for machines that called out to me. First there was "Alien Abduction", that had really superior graphics. I played it long enough to see the full range of bonus animations, and when it came to the final abduction I choose that the aliens abduct the dog for a 500 penny bonus. The next machine was based on Sea Monkeys, and I never did get a bonus screen there. It was enough just to admire their little pink-ness. Then on to "Happy Camper"..the bonus screen there was actually in the form of toilet paper (I kid you not)and you chose rolls for your bonus pennies. So far so good..and since I was on a "roll" the next slot machine that called my name was entitled "Double Your Monkey". This is where I got in serious trouble..mainly because this machine squeaked with monkey sounds. It was about this time my sister went bust and was hanging around me, and she encouraged me to keep hitting the Monkey button. I prefer to think because of the terrific monkey swinging on a vine animation and not to help me loose too. (LOL) I arrived with $28.00 dollars in pennies, and departed with $6.27. Two hours experience throwing pennies in machines. Needless to say, I was not offered a free High Roller suite at this casino.

Casinos are really like big flashy churches. All manner of people milling around, some looking bored, tired or desperate. I even saw children parked just outside the casino floor to wait on their mother who was intently button poking, speaking over the dim of machine sound occasionally to keep track of them. It's a strange world, carefully designed to overwhelm the senses in such a way that normal reasoning is overcome. Although I understand the lure of visiting, I sure wouldn't want to live there.